The **wound of abandonment** is the second wound in Lise Bourbeau's model. It originates between the first and third year of life, when the child does not receive the necessary emotional support—especially, according to the model, from the parent of the opposite sex.
**Typical biographical origin**: physically or emotionally absent father or mother during that age range, hospitalizations of the child or caregiver, arrival of a sibling displacing attention, maternal postpartum depression, early divorces or separations, actual abandonment (given up for adoption, boarding school).
**Developed mask**: the **dependent**. Flaccid body, slumped posture, constant pleading gaze. The person lives with chronic fear of abandonment and develops strategies to ensure the other 'doesn't leave'. Needs continuous attention and sinks without it. Very low tolerance for solitude.
**Adult manifestations**: relationships of emotional dependency, difficulty making decisions without consulting the other, drama and crises when the partner temporarily distances themselves, search for 'savior' figures to fill the void. In the extreme, severe depression when left alone.
**Healing**: distinguish between the original abandonment (real, when dependent child) and the 'feeling of abandonment' (projected in the present onto situations where there is no real abandonment), learn to support oneself, recognize one's own needs and learn to satisfy them, release the role of 'the one who needs to be rescued'.
Evidence and contemporary voices
The 'wound of abandonment' is a concept proposed by Lise Bourbeau in her model of the five wounds of the soul, without support in the academic literature of systemic psychology or family therapy. There are no peer-reviewed studies in databases such as PubMed, PsycINFO, or Scopus that validate its specific origin between 1-3 years linked to the parent of the opposite sex, nor its 'dependent' mask. In developmental psychology, related concepts are addressed through Bowlby's attachment theory (1969), where anxious-preoccupied insecurity (Ainsworth et al., 1978) arises from inconsistent care, but without the simplified transgenerational causality as in Bourbeau. Researchers such as van der Kolk (2014) in trauma describe sequelae of early neglect as emotional dysregulation, but attributed to neurobiology and direct experiences, not to archetypal 'wounds'. In transgenerational trauma, Yehuda et al. (2016) document epigenetic changes in descendants of Holocaust survivors, but without connection to non-empirical models like Bourbeau's.
Verifiable citations
- "The wound of abandonment originates when the child does not receive the necessary emotional nourishment from the parent of the opposite sex." — Lise Bourbeau, The Five Wounds That Prevent You From Being Yourself (1994).
Researchers and experts
- John Bowlby — Tavistock Clinic — attachment theory and early separation
- Mary Ainsworth — University of Virginia — infant attachment patterns
- Rachel Yehuda — Mount Sinai School of Medicine — epigenetics of transgenerational trauma
Auditable Sources
Notes and Open Debates
The term belongs to popular self-help without empirical validation, classifiable as pseudoscience due to lack of falsifiability and a hypothetical-deductive model (Lilienfeld et al., 2010). Criticisms in clinical psychology highlight its similarity to unproven New Age therapies, with a risk of suggestion and individual blame without causal evidence (Norcross et al., 2006).
Additional research generated with consultation to academic sources (Perplexity Sonar Pro). Citations and URLs are the responsibility of their original source; verify before formal citation.
Bibliography
- The 5 Wounds That Keep You From Being Yourself — Lise Bourbeau. Diana, 2003.
These books are in the reference library that nurtures Constelando el Origen.
Related terms
Lise Bourbeau
Canadian author (1941-). She formulated the model of the five wounds of the soul—rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, injustice.
See entryWound of Rejection (Bourbeau)
The first of the five wounds formulated by Lise Bourbeau. It originates when the child does not feel welcome by the parent of the same gender. Mask: the fugitive.
See entryWound of Humiliation (Bourbeau)
The third of the five wounds. It originates between 1 and 3 years of age in relation to the body, pleasures, or dignity. Mask: the masochist.
See entryWound of Betrayal (Bourbeau)
Fourth of the five wounds. It originates between 2 and 4 years old when the child feels that the parent of the opposite sex does not fulfill their promise of presence or protection. Mask: controller.
See fileWound of injustice (Bourbeau)
Fifth of the five wounds. It originates between 4 and 6 years old when the child perceives emotional rigidity or disproportionate demands from the parent of the same sex. Mask: rigid.
See fileAnxious-preoccupied adult attachment
Adult attachment style characterized by intense fear of abandonment, compulsive search for closeness, hypervigilance for signs of withdrawal from the other, difficulty tolerating separation.
See fileA session that names what hurts
If you recognize this dynamic in your own history, a Family Constellation can reveal where it comes from and what movement can bring order to it. Daniela respectfully accompanies each case.
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