Assent is the internal attitude of saying “yes” to what is: to the family you were given, to the destiny you carried, to the parents you had, to the place where you were born. It is not passive resignation or moral approval—it is recognition of the facts.
Hellinger maintained that no profound healing occurs before assent. As long as we fight against what was—“my mother shouldn't have been like that,” “my father shouldn't have left,” “my brother shouldn't have died”—we remain trapped in what can no longer be changed. Assent opens the door to move what can be moved.
In clinical practice, assenting often takes the form of simple phrases: “Yes. That’s how it was.” “I take it as it came to me.” “I recognize that this was so.” The voice changes, the body relaxes, and only then does the real work begin.
"I take it as it came to me, at the price it cost."
— Bert Hellinger, Recognizing what is
Clinical example
A woman has been in therapy for twenty years trying to “understand” why her mother was cold and distant. The constellation opens when, facing the representative of her mother, she stops demanding explanations and says: “Yes. You were like that. I am your daughter. I take what you gave me and the rest I leave with you.” Assenting is not forgiving: it is releasing the claim.
Illustrative case, anonymized and composed from frequent patterns in Family Constellation sessions.
Evidence and contemporary voices
The term 'assent' in the context of Bert Hellinger's Family Constellations refers to an internal movement of acceptance of family reality, aligned with the 'orders of love'. There is no contemporary academic research in systemic psychology or family therapy that empirically validates it as a prerequisite for healing. Studies on Family Constellations, such as that by Ortiz-Talló and Gross (2010), explore qualitative cases from transpersonal psychology, but lack experimental controls and did not isolate 'assent' as a variable. In transgenerational trauma, authors such as Yehuda et al. (2016) document epigenetic effects of Holocaust trauma in descendants, but attribute mechanisms to alterations in stress genes (FKBP5), without reference to phenomenological concepts such as 'assent'. Clinical research in systemic family therapy, such as that by Minuchin or Bowen, emphasizes differentiation and boundaries, without an equivalent to Hellinger's 'assent'. The absence of meta-analyses or RCTs in databases like PubMed or PsycINFO confirms its status as a non-empirical construct.
Verifiable quotes
- "Assent is the movement of the soul towards what is, releasing resistances." — Bert Hellinger, Orders of Love (1994).
Researchers and References
- Bert Hellinger — Founder of Family Constellations — Development of Orders of Love and assent
- Anne Schützenberger — University of Nice — Psychodrama and transgenerational anniversary syndrome
- Francisco Garriga — Bert Hellinger Institute Spain — Clinical applications of constellations
Auditable Sources
Notes and Open Debates
The concept of 'assent' lacks scientific operationalization, being unfalsifiable and suggestive, similar to other elements of Family Constellations criticized as pseudotherapy due to a lack of RCT evidence and the risk of revictimization (Psyciencia, 2018; Fundación PSF, 2023). Studies such as Ortiz-Talló and Gross (2010) are qualitative and non-replicable, without controls for placebo effect or group suggestion.
Additional research generated by consulting academic sources (Perplexity Sonar Pro). Citations and URLs are the responsibility of their original source; verify before formal citation.
Bibliography
- Acknowledging What Is — Bert Hellinger. Herder, 2000.
- Love's Hidden Symmetry — Bert Hellinger. Herder, 2001.
- The Key to a Good Life — Joan Garriga. Destino, 2014.
These books are in the reference library that nourishes Constelando el Origen.
Site articles on this topic
Related terms
Belonging
First systemic law: everyone who belonged to the system, belongs forever. Excluding someone forces the system to represent them later.
See entryHealing Sentence
A brief prayer, in the first person, that the client pronounces before a representative to reorder the system. It is not an affirmation: it is recognition.
See entrySystemic Movement
An internal action or physical gesture that reorders the image of the system during the constellation and releases the blocked dynamic.
See entryA session that names what hurts
If you recognize this dynamic in your own story, a Family Constellation can reveal where it comes from and what movement brings it into order. Daniela respectfully accompanies each case.
Sessions in Spanish only