The wound of abandonment is the second wound in Lise Bourbeau's model. It originates between the first and third year of life, when the child does not receive the necessary emotional support—especially, according to the model, from the parent of the opposite sex.
Typical biographical origin: physically or emotionally absent father or mother during that age range, hospitalizations of the child or caregiver, arrival of a sibling displacing attention, maternal postpartum depression, early divorces or separations, actual abandonment (given up for adoption, boarding school).
Developed mask: the dependent. Flaccid body, slumped posture, constant pleading gaze. The person lives with chronic fear of abandonment and develops strategies to ensure the other 'doesn't leave'. Needs continuous attention and sinks without it. Very low tolerance for solitude.
Adult manifestations: relationships of emotional dependency, difficulty making decisions without consulting the other, drama and crises when the partner temporarily distances themselves, search for 'savior' figures to fill the void. In the extreme, severe depression when left alone.
Healing: distinguish between the original abandonment (real, when dependent child) and the 'feeling of abandonment' (projected in the present onto situations where there is no real abandonment), learn to support oneself, recognize one's own needs and learn to satisfy them, release the role of 'the one who needs to be rescued'.
Bibliography
- The 5 Wounds That Keep You From Being Yourself — Lise Bourbeau. Diana, 2003.
These books are in the reference library that nurtures Constelando el Origen.
Related terms
Lise Bourbeau
Canadian author (1941-). She formulated the model of the five wounds of the soul—rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, injustice.
See entryWound of Rejection (Bourbeau)
The first of the five wounds formulated by Lise Bourbeau. It originates when the child does not feel welcome by the parent of the same gender. Mask: the fugitive.
See entryWound of Humiliation (Bourbeau)
The third of the five wounds. It originates between 1 and 3 years of age in relation to the body, pleasures, or dignity. Mask: the masochist.
See entryWound of Betrayal (Bourbeau)
Fourth of the five wounds. It originates between 2 and 4 years old when the child feels that the parent of the opposite sex does not fulfill their promise of presence or protection. Mask: controller.
See fileWound of injustice (Bourbeau)
Fifth of the five wounds. It originates between 4 and 6 years old when the child perceives emotional rigidity or disproportionate demands from the parent of the same sex. Mask: rigid.
See fileAnxious-preoccupied adult attachment
Adult attachment style characterized by intense fear of abandonment, compulsive search for closeness, hypervigilance for signs of withdrawal from the other, difficulty tolerating separation.
See fileA session that names what hurts
If you recognize this dynamic in your own history, a Family Constellation can reveal where it comes from and what movement can bring order to it. Daniela respectfully accompanies each case.
Sessions in Spanish only