The Wound of Betrayal (Bourbeau)

The wound of betrayal is the fourth wound in the Bourbeau model. It originates between 2 and 4 years of age, during the period when the child develops trust and discovers the implicit promise of relationships. Betrayal occurs when the parent of the opposite sex —according to the model— fails to keep that promise of presence, protection, or loyalty.

Typical biographical origin: father who promised and did not deliver, mother who said 'I will never leave you' and then left (literally or emotionally), parental couple that separates, breaking the sense of security, infidelities in the parental couple that the child perceives.

Mask developed: the controller. Strong body, imposing presence, watchful gaze. The person develops strategies to 'control' the environment, people, results —so that betrayal cannot be repeated—. Needs to predict everything, manage everything, not let go of the reins.

Adult manifestations: natural leadership but a tendency towards rigidity, jealousy, difficulty trusting deeply, controlling perfectionism, exhaustion due to the impossibility of controlling everything, couple relationships with tension due to the need to know-everything about the other.

Healing: learning to trust again in small doses, distinguishing between loyalty and control, letting go of absolute management of situations, accepting that uncertainty is part of healthy relationships, recovering the broken internal promise without projecting it onto every present relationship.